Meet Christina Long

Christina was 13 years old. She could be just like the 13 year old sitting in your house right now.

Christina Long was pretty and popular.

She was in the 6th grade at a Catholic school in Connecticut.

She was co-caption of the cheerleading squad.

She was a member of the National Honor Society.

And yes, she is now dead.

Killed by an internet sexual predator.

But not exactly how you think.

You see Christina doesn't exactly fit the mold that I have previously described. There is always the other end of the extreme. The kids who seek out these predators. The kids who think they are tough and can handle it. Who are looking for a "good time" so to say.

Christina was being raised by her aunt. They were extremely close. Chrissy & her aunt, Shelley talked about the risks online openly & frequently. Shelley kept close tabs on Christina's online profile, urged her to use a less provocative screen name even. When asked to change things, Christina complied.

However, what Christina's aunt did not realize was that Christina had 1 profile she showed her & 1 she did not.

Christina was going out of her way to meet guys online for sex.

Because of this, she was found murdered on May 20, 2002.

Her alter ego profile stated she was "up for anything."

The only time Christina was left unsupervised was Friday nights. On May 17 when her aunt came to pick her up at the mall, Christina was not there. She called the police & when they turned to Christina's computer for clues they discovered she had changed her password.

What they discovered after AOL granted them access was shocking to her aunt.

One boy was saying 'I'm sorry, I'm glad you got your period. I will wear a condom next time.'

Christina's aunt finally realized she was talking to strangers and not school kids.

Police discovered Christina had had a sexual encounter with a 24 yr old, Saul Dos Reis a week earlier & was planning on meeting him again that night.

When questioned Saul, led police to Christina's body.

Saul claims Christina approached him online & not the other way around.

Christina's aunt did everything right. Talked to her about the dangers of the online world & meeting people online & chat rooms. Popped in on her unexpectedly to check on her online doings. So where did it go wrong?

Maybe you should sit your child down & have a talk with them. Show them the information about this girl. What happened to her. That she thought she was above what had happened to others. That she was just having a little fun....yea a little fun that ended up getting her killed.

It's a scary world out there.

Sometimes it's a scary world in here.

Protecting your kids online

1. Limit the amount of time children have interactive access to the internet to 2 hours a day. This is after homework. According to research, the risk of a child being exposed to predators, pornography, or cyber-bullying goes up dramatically beyond that daily exposure. The more time a kid has to roam around cyberspace, the more trouble they can get into. If a kid knows they only have 2 hours, then they are going to get down to business & do what is high on their priority list(downloading music, chatting with friends, etc) instead of chatting with strangers.

A note to the wise also, experts say that if a child sees mom & dad spending excessive amounts of time online & meeting other people in chat or in person, they will do the same.

2. Computers with internet access should always be in an open area of the house. You should be able to look in from time to time & see what your child is doing, what they are looking at, & know who they are talking to. It's good for them to know you are paying attention.

3. Remind children that online people are not always who they say they are & that there are real-life consequences should they give out personal information that could allow a predator to find them & take advantage of them.

4. What you post online stays online forever. Don't post anything online that you wouldn't want to be seen by your parents, a principal, police, or predators.

5. Beware of the cell phone, digital camera, or web came showing up that you as a parent did not purchase. If you see one of these items, it could mean your child purchased it without your permission or that someone else, possibly a predator, provided it to ensure he will get photos from your child.

6. Guard your passwords. Nothing good can come from fellow students being able to access your child's personal information or their social networking site. A person who may be your friend today may not be next month. That is how it works in today's adolescent world. Better yet, change your passwords regularly.

7.Set up any social networking site so that only people you invite & approve can enter.

8. Know the chat rooms your child is visiting.

9. There is a fine line between spying and respecting your child's privacy, but it's okay to take a look at their computer every once in awhile. Ask them to show you their friend list. Just as you should know the first & last names of the friends they hang out with, you should know the identities of those they are talking to online.

10. Is your child forming an addiction or obsession to the internet? You can check the archive of who your child has been talking to. If there is an unusual amount of time with one person, especially one you do not know, you need to pursue this.

11. Develop trust. Your child needs to know that if they are approached online by anyone who makes them feel uncomfortable that they can come to you openly & honestly & you will not overreact. They need to know they will not be punished. Remember, the child is always the victim.

12. Know where to go if a predator has approached your child online. You should never be shy about calling an internet provider to report something. Many police departments have youth officers who specialize in this area.

13. Do not delay reporting a predator incident. It probably isn't the first time the guy has tried to solicit a teen. If you do not do anything, you are only giving him the opportunity to do it again.

14. Interactive games like World of Warcraft, Xbox 360 Live, etc allow players to communicate with each other in real time, without a reliable way of logging these conversations. This creates the potential for predators to use these games to groom or meet teens. If your child is staying up all hours playing he could be exposed to conversations with people from all over the world.

15. Do not ever allow your child to use their real name as a screen name in a chat room.

Meet Kacie Rene Woody.......

She might be a girl just like you or she might be just be like your 13 yr old daughter.

Except she was killed on December 3, 2002 by a man she met online who was posing as a teenage boy.

Kacie Rene Woody lived with her single father & her older brothers in Arkansas. She met lots of people online in Christian chat rooms & talked to them online. Sometimes she even gave them her phone number & chatted with them on the telephone as well.

Kacie met the wrong person online & it ended up costing her her life.

Kacie's computer was in the living room. Her father, Rick, knew she chatted in chat rooms. Rick felt the internet was harmless. He was afraid of what might happen outside the house not inside it. Rick would even look over Kacie's chat conversations. Nothing was out of line.

Kacie met 47 yr old Dave Fuller from San Diego in a yahoo chat room. He claimed he was a 17 yr old boy. Not only did Kacie chat with him, but so did her friend. They both spoke with him over the telephone too. It was stated that he did not sound 47.

Dave lied his way into Kacie's sympathetic heart. He said his aunt was in Arkansas dying. Kacie had lost her mom & was extremely sympathetic to this.

Dave never asked to meet Kacie. He never talked sexually to her. They just chatted about everyday things. School, parents, messy rooms, etc. Except these things weren't really normal for Dave since he was 47 & a child predator grooming Kacie.

On December 3, 2002, Dave showed up at Kacie's house & kidnapped her. She was home alone. Her father was at work at the police station.

Police later found Dave in a storage unit he'd rented a month before in Arkansas. They found Kacie naked, chained to the floor in the back of his van. She had been raped & shot in the head.

Dave Fuller shot himself before police could get inside the storage unit to arrest him.

Police believe that Dave traveled to Arkansas twice before actually kidnapping & killing Kacie based on credit card receipts. He was a true predator. He waited her out for the perfect timing in his head.

http://www.wiredsafety.org/wiredlearning/Einstein/kacie/

Now keep telling yourself this doesn't happen.

Keep thinking this won't happen in my small town, not to my little girl. Because that is exactly what Rick Woody thought.

The internet does not discriminate. It doesn't know small town from big town. Online predators are everywhere.

The only answer is education.

your_girl_amy@yahoo.com

Characteristics of an Internet Child Predator

I am going to list some characteristics of a child predator, but it's important to remember that they do not all meet these characteristics. There are always those predators who are outside the box that experts have identified.

-The average child predator is male & over the age of 25.

-he could be considered the guy down the street who kept to himself.

-the loner type, very few friends, & typically not married.

-most often has limited social skills, but a propensity to engage in conversation with an adolescent or child.

-tends to become shy with adults of his own age.

-seeks out jobs that allow him to work around children.

Child predators come from all walks of life, some are rich, some are poor, some are educated and some are not.

They usually have a sexually abusive or violent background.

Child predators usually see nothing wrong with their behavior.

They will target numerous children at a time.

They will take their time to groom their victims & their words are very thought out.

Once trust is built, blackmail & guilt are often used to get the child to succumb to their demands.

As a parent, you need to create open dialogue with your child & set clear rules regarding the computer & internet usage.

Watch what they are doing online, but do it openly.

Set trust between you and your child.

Be honest & tell them what can happen.

If you have any questions at all, please feel free to contact me.

your_girl_amy@yahoo.com

What do you think online seduction leads to??

If the predator has his way, it leads to rape & torture.

The online predator spends all this time grooming the intended victim...then they talk them into meeting them face to face.

at a hotel room....

or sometimes even right outside the child's house.

http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Alicias-Story-Kidnapped-and-Held-Captive

This does happen...it could happen to your child. Be smart, get educated.

I hate to be the one to point out the cold hard facts, but someone has to. Not everyone can remain silent.

On the average, 1 woman is being raped somewhere in the United States every minute of the day.

1 out of every 4 women born in this country will be raped at some point in her life.

According to FBI statistics, in the US alone, more than 100,000 women report being raped each year & an additional 400,000 to 900,000 women are raped but do not report the crime.

Most rapes go unreported & fewer than 10% of reported rapists go to jail.

Most rapists are still out walking the streets, free to rape again.

Now I do not say these things to scare you.

It's important to know what you are up against. It's important to know the facts.

It's important to be educated.

Rape occurs anytime a person is forced or coerced, physically or through verbal threats, into any type of sexual contact with another person, whether the assailant is a friend, an acquaintance, an employer or fellow employee, a husband or a stranger.

Each of us probably knows at least 1 other person who has been raped.

If you have been raped, you are not alone. There is help.

No matter what you could have done differently, the rapist- NOT you- is to blame for the assault.

Whatever you are thinking in your head that you did or that other people have told you you should have done differently, you did NOT deserve to be raped!

Sure you were probably doing things you usually do & you got hurt this time, but that doesn't mean you should have known better or done things differently.

There is help for you.

If you feel this is something I can help you through, please email me.
You do not have to go through this alone.

your_girl_amy@yahoo.com

What children are at risk?

Some young people are particularly vulnerable to online predators.

May display some of the following traits:

~new online & unfamiliar with netiquette. But even the most web savvy teens can be seduced by predators who are good at what they do.

~Actively seeking attention or affection

~Rebellious

~isolated/lonely

~Curious

~Confused regarding sexual identity

~Easily tricked by adults

~Allured by subcultures outside of parents' world.

Here are some characteristics of typical victims:

-most but not all victims are between the age of 12 & 15

-Most victims have an instant message account but haven't set up privacy or security settings & willingly engage in conversations with strangers.

-live in suburban or rural towns

-are very sheltered & naive

-tend to be loners with few offline friends.

-tend to spend more than 90 minutes online after homework per day

-are secretive about their internet activities

-tend to have few activities outside of the internet.

Just because your child matches one or more of these characteristics does not mean they are being targeted by predators. However, your child is not perfectly safe if they match none of these characteristics.

Be an involved parent. Ask your child questions. Explain why you want to know this info.

Open & honest.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me for a FREE consultation.

your_girl_amy@yahoo.com

Online grooming~~ How a predator picks their victims

An online predator goes online & searches until he sees a potential victim who fits his age, gender, & other preferences. These will vary from predator to predator.

The predator begins to gather info about the potential victim.

This is how he/she bonds with the victim. They find out what they like & dislike, what kind of home life they have.

Predator will look at the child's demeanor, personality, dress, & financial status.

They are looking for the child's interests & vulnerabilities at the same time.

Now this process doesn't occur over night. It usually goes on for months.

Predators prefer children of a single mom. Think about it...the mom usually has to work which means the child is home alone if old enough. They have more time to play around online without interruption.

Predators are skilled at knowing the emotional & physical needs of children.

And they prey on these needs.

As I've stated before, teens are vulnerable emotionally. A predator talks to them like a friend. Consoling them, agreeing with them. Makes the child identify with the predator & creates the bond.

The predator begins to talk to them more & more. Emailing. Possibly texting.

They sometimes wait a bit before introducing sexual stuff in the conversation.

But there are always those who jump right in.

Sometimes even if the child doesn't feel comfortable with this type of talk, they go along with it because they do not want to lose this new friendship with this person who supposedly completely understands them.

If your child doesn't have a webcam, the predator may purchase one for them & mail it over. Be on the lookout for this. Prohibit webcams.

Stress to your child that once you email, post, or text a photo of yourself, it's out there & you can never get it back.

Kids do not always get that. They think that whoever they are sending that picture to would never share it. Well, these predators will! It will show up online somewhere you do not want it & may never know it's there most likely.

The predator may start sending gifts too. Be on the lookout for this as well.

Could mean your child has already started sending pics, but could just be a way for the predator to better bond with your child.

They are weaseling their way in by buying your child.

This is the beginning of the process and if you keep your eyes open, you can see it happening.

Have any questions? feel free to contact me

your_girl_amy@yahoo.com

Grooming....do you know what it is?

Do you remember what it was like to be a teenager?

You feel lonely..lost. Everyone is against you.

Today it's even more difficult to suffer through the teenage years with the internet.

There's online bullying for starters. But that's a whole other post.

Grooming is the process predators use to bond with their victim.

It's how they develop a close relationship with the child.

It can be compared to seduction.

Online predators gradually seduce their potential victims through the use of attention, affection, kindness, & gifts. They are willing to devote considerable amounts of time, money, & energy to this process.

The predators will be aware of the latest music & hobbies likely to interest kids & will listen to & sympathize with kids' problems.

They also try to lower young people's inhibitions by gradually introducing sexual content into their conversations.

Because victims have been carefully seduced, they often do not realize that they are victims.

If teens & their parents keep their eyes open, this process can be picked up on & interrupted.

The most important thing parents can do is keep an open & honest relationship with their children. Tell them about the warnings & signs I have posted. Talk to them often.

If you have any questions at all, please do not hesitate to contact me for a free consultation.

your_girl_amy@yahoo.com

Tips for parents about online safety

~Talk to your child. Be open and honest. Find examples of cyber seduction and show them to your child. Educate them.

~Set clear rules regarding the computer & internet usage. Be prepared to back up your rules.

~Understand what your child is doing online. Have them show you where they go & their social networking profiles.

~Monitor their online accounts & email. Also their cell phones. Do this out in the open. Let them know why you are doing it too.

~Instruct your child not to post their address or phone number publicly.

~Keep the computer in a common area of the house instead of the bedroom.

~Instruct your child not to add strangers as friends on social networking sites.

~Prohibit web-cams

~Teach your child the responsible use of the resources online.

~Understand, even if your child was a willing participant in any form of sexual exploitation, that he/she is not at fault & is the victim.

Full Circle

I want to keep everyone updated on what I am doing & the changes going on in my own life because they will be reflected here in my blog.

I have recently experienced a lot of changes in my life.

I had a breakthrough about a week ago.

I knew I was heading in a new direction.

Knew I was going down a new path & wanted to reach out to new people, but just didn't know who until I opened the paper on Saturday morning. I began reading an article about a local teenager and her family who basically went to hell and back. (http://www.kalynssecret.com/)

It just hit me like a ton of bricks!

I want to work with abuse victims.

I want to work with parents of teens.

I want to help them see the warning signs of cyber seduction.

I want to help prevent this.

I have always known this.

But when I was starting off as a life coach I was led down a different path because the people I was working with believed there wasn't any money in this type of work.

But here I am almost a year later & it's all come back to me.

I am embarking on a new journey and this time I will not be swayed.

I am also considering starting a training program for other people like myself to be trained to be life coaches who want to help heal.

Now back to that Saturday. I read that article, which I still have by the way. I may just keep it forever and then I felt the very powerful need to tell these people thank you! So I did just that!

They had a book signing at Barnes & Noble this past Saturday. I went & purchased the book, had them sign it. Told them what I do, what I plan on doing & how the article influenced me. Told them thank you & shook their hands.

Remember that when you show gratitude, the Universe gives you more to be grateful for. I saw just that.

So I want to continue to be motivational and inspirational with my blog, but I also want to be informative about this new area I am going into. I will be doing lots of research in the area of cyber seduction and online predators. I have attended many conferences on these areas already with the child advocacy center when I was there. I remember the horror stories. I want to be about prevention. I always hear so much about intervention.

Prevention can be taught.

You do not have to lock your children up.

You just have to keep your eyes open.

Do not be blind.

Do not not see what you do not want to see.

So again, I just wanted to keep everyone informed.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.

I appreciate each and every one of you.

~amy